this is just a song verse that comes to my head right now. the song is a bit sad. Tracy Chapman. you probably don't know her songs...
today I had a lot of music in my head. Too much I would add. It was strange how radio songs went crazy and seemed they really wanted to f my afternoon when I knew I wont be able to talk to you at all. this hurts more than I thought it would. I guess because it also feels so much better than I expected. Why? I don't know. It just does. It hurts and it soothes in the same time.
I love you so much that my heart wants to get out of my chest and run to you and hid inside you where I feel it belongs. And my soul. And my brain. And everything I am.
Nothing kinky tonight hunny. Just my thoughts of love. and sorrow. and everything I am. I can't stop my thoughts and it seems this was a good idea to let them out here. Maybe you'll read them sometimes.
Remember when I told you that when I'm happy I rarely speak of my happiness? You made me write about it :)) but now I have to let this out too. I can't hold it inside. It f hurts too much. And I don't know how to make it go away. Talking with you helps because I can feel you with me.
I knew this was coming. Just denied it. Denial is so sweet sometimes because it let's you daydream and not think about the shitty parts of the dream. It also makes you hit the ground so hard when it goes away. I don't know about you, but it hit me really bad today after I realized I won't be able to talk to you. It hit me to the level at which I didn't know what to do with my self and danced with N on a few songs. And she was so lovable and was kissing me and telling me she loves me. She can be so cute and sweet that can almost heal a broken heart.
I really hope you are better than me at this. I try to find ways to keep my mind busy and focus on other stuff. But I see you everywhere and in everything I do. I just stare sometimes that I'm afraid it will become obvious I'm in-love. Even though, it will probably not be the case because I am not going anywhere different than before. Not going out I mean. If I was, I would probably raise suspicions :)) Maybe it would be a good idea to get out of the house once in a while. then I could say I am in-love and that I would have a reason to get away for a few days :)) I said nothing kinky, but my mind is still kinky and acting out :)))
ah well, I guess I should actually start that bucket list. It seems that you are ahead of me with almost 10. I gotta take a deep breath and start waking up my kinky thoughts that I buried so deep :))
good night hun. and sweet dreams. daydreams. and flashbacks. and flashforwards. I love you
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